A bit of a rough week here inside my heart and head. The exact why doesn't matter; I'll just say damn you Facebook and your sudden relationship status updates about ex-girlfriends with whom one is still desperately in love. What's important is that there is a substantial part of my mind that wants to do nothing but sit on the floor with a bottle of whiskey and get comfortably numb. As always, I have chosen not to listen to that voice (well, not after the first hour or so), but I was not really excited about going to teach class last night, or about having a session with one of my regular shiatsu clients this morning. "Why," says that voice, "should I give of my self, my energy, to teach, to help heal? I'm hurting. I just want to stay here until the hurting stops. Fuck off, world, and leave me in my pain."
I bring this up because you may know this voice, or one like it. I think we all do.
But years ago, I stumbled across a lovely little Zen poem that helps me at times like this. You may have heard of the "Bodhisattva Vow", which some people formally undertake and which (I think) inspires anyone who considers themselves even a bit Buddhist: "Sentient beings are numberless, I vow to save them all."
Boy, that seems like a hell of a lot of work, doesn't it? I can't even get my own head together and I'm supposed to save all sentient beings? To hell with that! But this poem by Cathy Preston turns it on its head:
"A Gatha for Your Journey"
Whenever the work of saving all sentient beings
Becomes too much for this present moment, I vow with all beings
To breathe in the grace of the morning star
And remember that they are really saving me.
"They are really saving me." So I get up off my ass, clean myself up, and manage to teach something resembling a karate class. And a ten-year-old who just started tells me, "you're awesome". And I put on my compassionate healer face for my octogenarian shiatsu client, and at the end of the session she tells me how I'm helping keep her going, keeping her able and healthy so she can stay in her own house.
"They are really saving me." Because we're all in this thing together.
Thank you
I've been a reader for a while, but this is the first time I've commented on anything here. I just want to say thanks for sharing that poem. I too am a martial arts instructor (part time, I help my Sensei when I can) and this week I've been covering classes due to him being on vacation... It's also been the most hair-pullingly stressful week I've had at work for a very long time. I think we all really need a reminder every once in a while that we're still humans, and that we are indeed all on this space ship together in the end of all things. I'm truly sorry to hear about your heartbreak, but I'm glad you were still able to go out there and make this ship a little more livable for the rest of us :-)
Peace,
Bryan St. Amour
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